Month: February 2021

We have more in common than we are divided on. Today’s world message, and especially here at home, will have you believe that if you are one political affiliation over another, there is no common ground between you. That is simply untrue.
Over the past few weeks, I have engaged in several conversations with so many people on varying topics. People of all different backgrounds. These talks ranged from health issues to religion to system racism and everything in between. I spoke with spoke male and female, of all racial backgrounds and sexual orientations. Every discussion was deeply insightful.
I walked away with an understanding that the commonalities that we all shared in each interaction had bonded us and healed us in a way that was unexpected when we began talking. What I found was what began as casual moments in time, provided lifetime gems that we would carry with us for the rest of our life.
In my shared experience on my health issues, I had several calls. The goal was to provide awareness to one and check in on another. In both, we learned more about our concerns by opening up and were able to discuss not only physical solutions, but we also dove into deeper issues like mental anxieties and stressors. We found time to laugh and see the joy in our lives and it helped to know we were not alone.
For the past nine months I have been working with seven amazing individuals on systemic racism issues not just affecting us in the workplace but also how it affects us in our every day lives. We have discussed history, past traditions, our own experiences and came up with a strategy on what we could do to make it better for us and those around us. Yesterday, our hard work paid off. That doesn’t happen however if we didn’t take the time to share our stories and mull through our common experiences and what plagues our community.
The point is our stories are important to share. You ever see an autobiography and wonder, “why did THAT person write a book”? They had a story to tell. We all have a story to tell. You just have to be brave enough to share it. Now, everyone doesn’t need to write a book. There are people in your circle or in your community who are going through similar situations like yours and can benefit from some of the knowledge you have. However, minute it seems it you, you can literally save a person’s life.
Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death overall in the world and the second among young people aged 10-34. Talking to someone is something we can do for free. Most people feel as if they are alone and isolated and that no one understands how they feel. There is nothing new under the sun. Someone shares in how you feel, and it is likely that someone you know experienced it or can connect you with someone.
As a young adult, my best friend and I had these business cards made up. No real business, just cards. I never question God’s purpose for me and looking at those cards (I still have a few) I laugh because I see he always had a plan for I was destined to be. The cards read Bad Bitches, Inc. “We Know Sht! BBIC (If we don’t know, we know someone who does!). Then it had a lightbulb and our email addresses. Both email addresses are still active. The truth is, there are resources out there. I have a great circle of unbelievable knowledge. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH IT, WE ARE GOING THROUGH IT!
Stay blessed, stay safe and most of all, stay connected!

It’s been two weeks since I had a chance to communicate with you. Life moves at a rapid pace, and we must adjust to the flow or get caught up in the wave. Some really great things have happened, so it has not all been bad. Last week I took a minute to stop and celebrate my sister who turned 50. After such a long, arduous dance with grief, it was only right to make time to enjoy life as well!

Earlier this week however I found myself much like others watching the news and seeing a disturbing story about a 9-year-old African American girl who was handcuffed, and pepper sprayed by the police. I can write a history book on why that is all kinds of wrong however it is not new to our culture nor surprising. What triggered me, and I mean really triggered me back to early days of my own abusive childhood was the dialogue that was a part of the traumatic event surrounding the young girl.

It was not enough that she is 9 and being handcuffed. Or that she has been sprayed with something that could cause irritation of the eyes, skin, and mucus membranes. She could have endured more severe injuries like corneal abrasions, wheezing or skin blisters. People, and more commonly African Americans, with lung conditions, such as asthma, breathing effects when pepper spray is inhaled. None of that was taken into consideration. No, that is not the only damage done to the young girl that day. The denial of her youthfulness will forever be embedded in her memory in ways that only time will be able to tell.

She was told to “stop acting like a child”. How does one “stop acting like a child” when one is a child? What should her reaction have been? How does a frightened 9 year in adult circumstances react when adults of authority are surrounding them and yelling at them? If I had to go back to my 9-year-old self I would imagine I may have been the same way. I could have been fully cooperative, or I could have been nervous, acting out and being a 9-year-old. What should she have done differently?

 When I was 6, I was given a beaten for being incredibly happy. Yes, I was incredibly happy. I still talk about that day because the beaten that I received, and the reason that I received it never made sense to my 6-year-old self. It doesn’t make sense to my adult self either. Being happy was a BAD THING? I didn’t have many happy days in my early years so whatever it was back then that made me happy must have been quite delightful. It was overshadowed by an authority figure however who wanted something from a 6-year-old that was unnatural. A reaction to fit their narrative.

My prayer has been for that young girl to get the counseling she needs. There are so many issues with what happened to her regarding race relations, policy brutality, domestic abuse and neglect and the list goes on. What she needs to know is that it is okay to be 9. Her reaction to situations that scare her are perfectly normal and not her responsibility to fit into what others are looking for.

How we react to what others say to us as adults is strange enough. When we begin dating and someone tells us they love us, and we say thank you, do you think that is the reaction they are looking for? Probably not. It is however the way that you are feeling in the moment and what you want or need to say while processing what is going on. We cannot predict how people will react. Our expectations are too high. It isn’t fair and the consequences are hurtful.

Lesson learned is that we MUST give people the opportunity to be who they are. If a situation involves a child, expect childlike behavior. Don’t chastise them as if they are adults and they should know better. If an adult has shown you who THEY ARE, believe them.

I love you all.

Believe in yourselves! Until Next Time……