What makes you a good listener? Do you ever really stop and hear what people say or are you constantly interrupting and interjecting yourself into their story? If I had to guess I would say the majority is the latter. We have this need to “one up” each other even when we need to sit quietly and focus.
I’ve been told I’m a great listener. I interject when needed and offer advice as needed. My interjections are for shared experiences and not to gain advantage in the conversation. My goal and purpose are always to uplift, encourage, be transparent and provide hope. There is a reason why we have one mouth and two ears.
Much like the rest of the world I have been taking stock over my life and those in it since we have found ourselves in the midst of a global pandemic. It made me wonder where I want to go in my life and how I can be better. It also made me look at those around me to see if I add any value to them or vice versa.
Our shared experience of the pandemic is enough of a traumatic event to talk about for years to come. We have never been through anything like this before. When we add in our individual stories of lost loved ones, broken relationships, new jobs, new homes, social injustices and so on, it gets a bit complicated.
I was speaking with someone I have a lot of love for and they asked me how have I been. That’s a loaded question. A whole lot had happened since we last had time to really catch up so I began to share some things with them. Ever so often, they interrupted and said, oh my goodness, that happened to ME TOO! No big deal there. We kept talking. I asked them how they have been coping. They talked I listened. I said a few words here and there and then they asked me a question. It was about something I had just told them but they hadn’t really heard me because they weren’t listening. I reminded them I already told them what happened (no I did not repeat myself) and I moved the conversation along.
Did I get mad? Was I upset? No. This happens so often and most people don’t even realize they do it. I’m sure I do it too although my reputation is for being better at not doing such a thing. It is human nature and we simply cannot help ourselves.
Here’s why it is important that we try. When someone comes to you and sincerely wants to have a conversation about something, you need to be able to listen and really hear what they are saying. Often times it is what people are not saying that can be troublesome too.
Cries for help are not always screamed out loud. In fact, many people suffer in silence because they believe no one can help them or will understand what they are going through. If I am pouring out my heart to you, instead of matching horror story for horror story, listen to what I am saying, or not saying and probe deeper or go tell someone else.
We are carrying weight that we have never had to carry before. If everyone we talk to is only concerned about the weight, they are carrying every single day, there is no community healing in sight. I’m not saying we need to be responsible for what someone else is going through, I’m just asking that if they trust you enough to bring an issue to you, don’t shut them down by piling your issues on them. They came to you and initiated the conversation. That has to count for something.
I promised to always be transparent so here is a full disclosure. When I was a teenager, I was on the phone with a friend having what I thought at the time was a pleasant conversation. In hindsight, I know what I missed. We talked for hours and I did not sense that anything was wrong. Later on, that evening, he took his life.
A few years later I found myself in a similar situation. I knew what to do immediately and that life was saved. I am an individual that people confide in and trust with their secrets. It’s a running joke and a heavy gift to bear. If I could help one person, save one other person, I will rest well in my spirit.
If their mouth is moving, your ears should be open. How well do you listen? Can you just let them talk and not became a star in their story?
Please be safe and enjoy your summer!
I will be here throughout the summer as the spirit leads me but back fulltime in September!
I love you all!
