Month: September 2021

I recently asked my sister if I was getting sentimental in my elder years. I’ve always been a little tough to crack emotionally which is a bit of an oxymoron considering my level of love and compassion for those around me. Maybe I felt it was always better to give than to receive or truthfully, I didn’t feel deserving of it for so long.

Life is in this whirlwind where there is so much happening causing calamity and strife all around. We are still in a pandemic, social injustice is still unjust, our economy is tanking, people are dying all around us and everyday something new happens that would normally be shocking but it’s just another thing now. People are mad at the choices we are making over our lives and the protection of our bodies and our families. Violently mad. It’s unbelievable.

Yet, in all of this, I feel love. Lots of it. The kind that is true, pure and can be counted on at all times. I never thought I’d be able to say that before and here I am.  It is coming in from all directions and I am doing my best to accept it and not question the validity of it.

I believe you reap what you sow. I have sown seeds of love and encouragement my entire life. I am “that person” you can call to help you get through a dark situation and feel better about a moment. I see the light where there is darkness even if my own light is dim. What I never took the time to pay attention to was how much my pouring out of love and compassion would be returned to me at just the right time in my life.

I give without the expectation of getting back. The intangibles. My heart, my ear, empathy, compassion and so on. What I have noticed in the past 12 months is that the circle of individuals around me have been openly returning love to me tenfold and it is such a comfort and peace that it bears acknowledgment. They have always loved me, no doubt about that. What I am describing is a universal unspoken collective ramping up display that has sometimes made me cry.

When 2021 began, I was in a sabbatical dealing with an emotional breakdown trying to process grief. As we prepare to enter the 10^th month, I am on an emotional high of elation at the way my life has progressed throughout the year. I didn’t quit, I worked harder and it was the support and love from my family and friends that helped push me through.

I watched my daughter transform into a beautiful adult right before my eyes. Our bond has taken a shift in a way that is natural and it makes my heart glad. Our love and support for one another is as deep as it was the day she was formed in my womb. You can see it. We can feel. It is real love between a parent and child.

I have opened up and shared with my sisters some things about me and plans for the future. We have traded advice and laughed until we cried. I talk with my niece, my nephews and cousins more frequently and express the love I have for them. Some of those conversations go deep and our bonds are sealed in love. That’s love in a family way.

I spend time with my friends. We check in, we talk and text. We share stories to help uplift one another and we laugh until it hurts. Most importantly, we know we can count on each other or support whenever needed. That is real love.

I never talk about my husband. I’m selfish when it comes to him because he is mine. Make no mistake however we are one. That is real love. For 21 years we have laughed, cried and supported one another through everything. NO ONE is closer to me than he is. NO ONE has my back more than he does. NO ONE shows up more for me than he. We found a way to make it work. We know each other as well as we know our selves and he is home. My heart, my everything. I see love when I see him looking at me. I hear love when he talks to me and I feel love in his touch. We don’t pretend every day is a perfect day, we just know that every day is our day and we want tomorrow.

Love is beautiful. Allow yourself to let it in especially now when the world in in chaos. I am in a period of transition and the outpouring of love from colleagues and associates is overwhelming. You never really know the impact you may have on an individual’s life. Let the world give you your flowers now. I have received hundreds of messages this week alone, from work and personal relationships, thanking me for the role I play in their lives.

I thank God that this particular seed I have been sowing, I am happy to reap the harvest of. It feels good!

I LOVE YOU ALL!

Tell someone how you feel about them today.

Kind words don’t cost you anything but your time.

These last couple of weeks of summer have been such a whirlwind of events. I thought my return to the blogging would be something totally different but that is not how this works when you follow the Holy Spirit. We will get into the rest of the hot button topics in the weeks to come and thank you for rocking out with me! I hope that you have enjoyed your time off and found a way to rest and restore!

I try not to talk about 9/11. About September 2^nd or 3^rd, the news starts to saturate us with the images and stories and that fateful day and every time it brings anxiety to those who have lived through it. For varying reasons, that day is seared in our minds and history and will be cemented there with the phrase, “Never Forget”. As if we could. Not that we want to.

I may be alone in my way of thinking but it is hard to “forget” when it is literally re-hashed for a week moment by moment every year. For the last 20 years. When does the healing process begin or is that meant to help heal?

On that Tuesday morning, I had my then, 4-year-old daughter with me. I had taken off the morning from work to go to the social security office and get documentation for her to begin kindergarten. We were standing in line when the first plane hit. I looked out the window and saw the plane in the side of the building and felt immediate dread. My beloved sister worked in one of those two buildings.

My sister was as predictable as a timepiece. There was no doubt in my mind she was already at her desk hard at work. Since the buildings were called the “twin towers” the key was trying to figure out which tower she occupied. I knew she worked at a high floor so the dread hung on me like a cape.

I ran out of the building and tried immediately to make several phone calls. At this time the cell towers were starting to go haywire in some areas. I raced to my mother’s house just in enough time for the second tower to get hit. I immediately lost my head. I became hysterical and my best friend calmed me down by telling me not to worry, if anything, my sister got out because she scaled down the building like spiderman.

That was not exactly how she did it but my friend had a point. If anyone was going to get out, it would be my sister and I’m GRATEFUL to say she survived. Not without emotional scars and physical challenges however she lives to tell her story and that is the best outcome.

Every time we get to this point in the year, I worry about her. I worry about her and those like her who have survived. The ones who walked away from the carnage with those memories impressed in their minds forever and are forced to relive every year.

I think about people like myself. People who were “supposed” to be in the city but made a last-minute detour and decided to do something else. I know I couldn’t have survived the day. Not the actual attack, but the aftermath of having no way home, no subways or buses. I lived in New Jersey and worked in Midtown. There was no way in or out. My boyfriend at the time (now my husband) told me he would have carried me from midtown to the Bronx. I believe him and know he would have. I’m just really glad he didn’t have too.

That day changed all of our lives. Those who lost loved ones deserve to hear their names called out each and every year. They didn’t ask for this. Our first responders are amazing individuals who put the lives of others ahead of their own and in the process lost theirs, their limbs or are suffering with illnesses.

I salute all our heroes and survivors who are just trying to make it through another day! Whatever side of the coin you land on, if this is too much or not enough, my prayers and thoughts are with you. Thank you for being everyday heroes to many. You didn’t ask for this and you are brave, resilient and worthy!

Reach out and check on someone today!

I look forward to catching up with you next week!

Love you all to life,

Sonji