Every week or so I reflect on what seems to be a common thread in my life, a trending moment or pressing issue of the time. Once I narrow that down, I meditate on what I should share via my blog. I tell you this because I sometimes want to go in one direction and my Holy Spirit will press upon me to go in another. That is what is happening now. I do believe our shared experiences help one another so I will continue to let the Holy Spirit lead me.
These past 10 days have shown me varying degrees of my friendships and with the continuing loss of life around us, it is important to ask yourself, are you a valuable friend to someone or is someone a valuable friend to you? Understand, those two things do not mean the same thing. My church’s morning prayer series touched upon friendship as well so it seems there is no escaping this for me.
I know a lot of people. Many people would say I am a great friend to them and say that they love me and they know that they could count on me to be there when they need me. Why? Is it because I show up when I say I will? Is it because no matter how much time goes by, if you need me, I will be there? Is it because you can count on me for a truthful assessment of your situations without the usual sugarcoating that keeps you held back?
As painful as this may be for many, I only consider a handful of people my friends. I don’t have to tell them who they are. They know. They are the ones who see the authentic me, call me out for my mess and aren’t afraid that conflict will divide us. They love me no matter what and have shown up for me when I was at my lowest points in life.
My very best friend is also my life partner. He vowed to love me through it all and in this past week, after 20 years together, he made me remember why being his best friend was equally as important as being his wife. He said and did something a best friend would do when they knew their friend had reached the end of their rope. It wasn’t like it was the first time, it just happened to come at the right moment.
My sister, 13 months older than I, is my best friend. I don’t keep secrets or lie to her ever. I reveal my shortcomings and insecurities and know that there will be no judgement. She gives me support and kicks in the butt when I cross the line. I’m human, I make mistakes and she love me enough to tell me when I need to correct them.
Friendships are hard. People will say that they shouldn’t be but it is of my opinion that they are. They require the same level of time and attention that you would give your relationships in order for them to work. Respect has to have a major role. Truth must be applied in all conversations. You can’t be afraid to be at odds and think that conflict will tear you apart.
I know where my friendships stand. Much like plants, I know which ones need daily watering, weekly watering and a few droplets here and there to survive. I know the measure of a true friend is not the length of time we’ve known each other but the value we bring to each other.
My friends are a part of who I am. They are valuable to me and I hope I am valuable to them. When the antics of the world drive me crazy and I feel like I want to scream, it is these valuable friendships that I have grown to appreciate and love. There are days I laugh so hard I cry and the back of my head hurts. I am living in a space where I have decided to not sit on the sidelines but instead get involved in making this world a better place for generations to come. In order to do that, the balance from the chaos is found with the friends who keep me grounded.
A solid friendship is foundational. You have been through it together. You have laughed, you have cried and you have worked your way through a disagreement or two. One of my other closest friends could write a book about how we have weathered the storm. He is my rock and I am his. We are both strong-willed so we disagree often and have for over 30 years. The bottom line is however, in a New York minute, I am there for him and vice versa. We love each deeply and our foundation is strong. We are family now.
I’m taking stock now. I don’t plan on cutting people off. That will happen naturally. I am re-evaluating how invested people are in being a true friend to me, and I to them. We are going to need each other.
My click is strong!
Thank you for being a friend!
Until next time, be safe!
One reply on “Are You a Valuable Friend?”
This post sums it up in a nutshell. True friendship is a beautiful thing. And no, time is irrelevant. Is it work? Well as you said, all relationships require effort, but it definitely shouldn’t feel like “work”. I think that is when we need to re-evaluate those connections. I think i am a good friend and i surely hope my circle agrees.