Author: sojonee33

What is perspective? The definition says “a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view”. I want to focus on the point of view. What it really boils down to is, your opinion. How you and I can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

For my entire life, I have been fascinated by the perspectives of individuals. I had my first chance as a freshman in high school to share with someone that their ‘perspective” about a group of individuals was not only biased, but shaped with falsehoods and misconceptions. Looking back to that moment, it may have been a pivotal shaper to what drives me today.

I entered my freshman year at high school at the top of my class. I was fresh off a television appearance for nerdy teens and I had all the latest clothing and accessories of the time. It took me a week to get my uniforms because my mother didn’t know where to order them from prior to school starting. I was in catholic school and about a month into school, I mentioned I lived in the projects. I was never ashamed of where I lived so the reaction, I got wasn’t exactly surprising.

Two of my classmates responded by saying “wow, you don’t look like you live in the projects”. My answer was to say I didn’t know what people in the projects looked like and if they planned on hiding their purses going forward? Their perspective was “project people” were criminals and vagrants and couldn’t afford to be in school with them.

More recently I’ve watched and mostly tried not to judge others in their Christian walk. I’ve listened to conservatives and others quote the Bible and invoke Jesus into conversations. Then I look at their behavior and say, is that what Jesus would do? Our perspectives on what Christ’s behavior and desire for us to treat each other kindly differ dramatically. It makes me wonder if there is another Bible that they are referencing where it is edited and I can’t see what I see when I look in my own Bible.

We all have that co-worker who comes to work and seems to not really be engaged in the job. They are doing just the bare minimum to get by and won’t team up on projects or offer any additional assistance when it is needed. They are 9-5 and that is all. It frustrates you because you are pouring everything you have into the job and you are in the same space. You volunteer for extra projects and spend time after working doing what you can to fill in the gaps. You think they are lazy or disinterested. Let me offer another perspective. They could have issues going on at home that you are unaware of that hinders them from giving anything extra. It could be a sick child, parent or themselves dealing with a silent disease like anxiety, mental disease, Lupus, cancer or any other one that carriers deep scars that are not always visible to the eye. Don’t assume you know what a person is going through just by looking at them.

On that note, I’ll leave you with this. If I posted a picture today, I’d be glowing on the outside. Smiling, bright and beautiful. While I feel that way today, the past year that I have been writing and sharing, you already know everyday has not been that day. As a matter of fact, there were probably more days that I didn’t want to smile in the last 365 than I wanted to.

I’m smiling now. My gratitude for the blessings of the past 365 days makes it so that I can reflect back and see the progress. There was so much movement to get me to this moment. I honestly didn’t get to enjoy it all as it was happening but I am so grateful it did and will be praising and thankful in the right now and going forward.

Someone looking at me may have had the perspective that life was grand because God was blessing me at every turn! Those who were reading felt the pain and saw me fight through it.

Bottom line. Things are not always what they seem. Don’t let someone else tell YOUR story!

Until we meet again!

I love you all, be safe!

Today is our birthday!!! It has been exactly one year since the website launched and I wrote my first blog. What a year it has been. It has made me remember why I started this whole process in the first place. I wanted to connect with people and help them deal with their trauma and anxiety that the pandemic was sure to bring to the surface. It was important for me to share my own experiences and let you know that you are not alone.

Generally speaking, people like to use the word karma when a situation turns around on someone that has been doing something for a period of time. I won’t disagree with that. The actual definition is “the force created by a person’s actions that some people believe causes good or bad things to happen to that person”. Karma has paid a visit to my side of town in several forms this week and the consequences of karma is leading to exposure which is where I am most interested.

First, in a wonderful act of karma, an individual I know has been extremely miserable in the workplace. The “powers” that be around them did very little to include them and seemed to always target them first when something goes awry. As any normal person would, they looked for and found another job. Not just any job, but one that they actually wanted all along with super perks and they don’t have to leave the company. The karma is that their new role will give them oversight on the very people who made their life uncomfortable. Exposure is coming.

In my Employee Resource Group Leadership roundtable, one of the items we are fighting against is retaliation at the workplace. Even the set-up, legally binding, perfectly timed ones. We encountered such a scenario this week. While it is still unfolding, it is our belief the position was “eliminated” because said individual spoke truth to power and got in the face of the people at the top and called out their white supremacy. The karma is, by letting them go, they are now free to become a consultant and we as a resource group can invite them back as a guest speaker. Exposure is coming. They will not be censored.

Dirty secrets have a way of tearing families apart and bringing individuals together. This week, a list of dirty secrets was exposed in a family that held them in too long. A war will go on. Relationships will be severed however there will be healing and growth for others.

I grew up listening to an expression, people who live in glass houses shouldn’t cast stones. The reason this resonates so true right now is that while we (society) are so busy kicking dirt on other people and talking trash about them and their loved ones, we need to be more concerned about ours. The land mines can explode at any time. I don’t paint a perfect family portrait because that is not what my family looks like. We are dysfunctional at times however for the most part through the years we have done the work to break the generational curses.

Karma is inevitable. I received some good karma myself this week. What you put out there you will surely get back. On the flip side, exposure is real too. My Pastor said at the beginning of the year that this is the year for exposure and every time something major happens, I call her and tell her, another exposure. Then I pray and say, I hope I’ve atoned for my past sins!

It’s time to stop protecting, stop antagonizing, stop judging or wherever you find yourself in this message. Exposure is real and it will come to light. Prepare yourself for it. If you are sending out good vibes, keep on. Karma got the message that the states are opening up and SHE is making her rounds!

Until next time, be safe.

Thank you for rocking out with me!

1 year ANNIVERSARY – IT’S OUR BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. I have a group of colleagues who I don’t actually work with however through one meeting last year and none since, we exchanged email addresses. We are now in an email chain where were share our daily gratitude’s and there is only one rule. You cannot use the obvious. You are challenged to stretch beyond your imagination and be appreciative of the things you normally take for granted and stop and say thank you.

I’ve been doing this for over a year. Some people get real creative with theirs and send memes and other things to depict their gratitude. I usually come straight out with it. At first, it seemed hard to find things to name without listing the most obviously but then it got so easy I had to decide which three to share with the others. Yesterday, I shared one that got a lot of feedback.

I told them I was grateful for my mid-morning attitude adjustment. I woke up, I saw that I had a 9 am meeting and with whom and instantly got into a foul mood. Really foul. 2 minutes into the meeting the client said something that turned my attitude from 100 to 1. My day instantly got better. I KNEW that God had heard my prayer and I was so grateful that I didn’t let that situation ruin the rest of my day.

How many times have we bypassed the “little” things that we should be grateful for? I’m grateful when I make it to the car before the skies open up and my umbrella is in the back seat. I’m grateful for the times I order my food from a fast-food place and they actually get it right! That struggle is real!!! How about the times you go to McDonalds and the ice cream machine is actually working?

We should all be thankful and full of appreciation for our families, our lives, our jobs and our health. Having a roof over our heads and food to eat, of course. We have gotten so entitled and expectant of what it is that we “ought” to have that we don’t really appreciate the small things that we actually get.

How annoyed are you when someone you don’t really want to talk to calls you constantly to check in on you? The next time you get annoyed, think about the person who doesn’t have anyone checking on them at all. Our mindsets are geared to be self-encompassing. We miss the big picture of when there are people placed around us to fulfil a need, we may not know needs fulfilling. Gratitude is the quality of being thankful, readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

It literally costs us nothing to pass out gratitude. When the cashier wants to double bag your grocery but you only want a single bag, be grateful that they thought enough about you to want to protect your food from falling through and kindly ask them not to do it. Seconds is all it takes. I’m guilty of reacting first and not always being grateful for someone else’s kind acts. And truthfully, not everyone has kind intentions when interacting with you. Your heart knows. Take a moment.

I’ll leave you with this. Here is what I am grateful for today. 1) Not being on hold with Verizon for a long time. As a matter of fact, they picked up right away. This is not typical of my experience with them. 2) Finding the perfect gift for someone at the last minute. I usually like to shop well in advance. 3) Feeling refreshed. I was plagued with fatigue for most of the week.

As you begin a new week, start to make it a habit of at least telling yourself what you are grateful for each and every day. You will begin to see that it will improve your mood and give you a greater appreciation of life itself. When we concentrate on all that is wrong, the negative energy drains us physically and emotionally. This is a good way to find balance. Sure, there is a lot going on and that is not to be ignored. The important thing about self-care is knowing you always have to find a way to counter the pain with joy.

Bonus: I am grateful always you are here and taking time to read and support me!

Until next time, be safe and be happy!

I love you all!

Every week or so I reflect on what seems to be a common thread in my life, a trending moment or pressing issue of the time. Once I narrow that down, I meditate on what I should share via my blog. I tell you this because I sometimes want to go in one direction and my Holy Spirit will press upon me to go in another. That is what is happening now. I do believe our shared experiences help one another so I will continue to let the Holy Spirit lead me.

These past 10 days have shown me varying degrees of my friendships and with the continuing loss of life around us, it is important to ask yourself, are you a valuable friend to someone or is someone a valuable friend to you? Understand, those two things do not mean the same thing. My church’s morning prayer series touched upon friendship as well so it seems there is no escaping this for me.

I know a lot of people. Many people would say I am a great friend to them and say that they love me and they know that they could count on me to be there when they need me. Why? Is it because I show up when I say I will? Is it because no matter how much time goes by, if you need me, I will be there? Is it because you can count on me for a truthful assessment of your situations without the usual sugarcoating that keeps you held back?

As painful as this may be for many, I only consider a handful of people my friends. I don’t have to tell them who they are. They know. They are the ones who see the authentic me, call me out for my mess and aren’t afraid that conflict will divide us. They love me no matter what and have shown up for me when I was at my lowest points in life.

My very best friend is also my life partner. He vowed to love me through it all and in this past week, after 20 years together, he made me remember why being his best friend was equally as important as being his wife. He said and did something a best friend would do when they knew their friend had reached the end of their rope. It wasn’t like it was the first time, it just happened to come at the right moment.

My sister, 13 months older than I, is my best friend. I don’t keep secrets or lie to her ever. I reveal my shortcomings and insecurities and know that there will be no judgement. She gives me support and kicks in the butt when I cross the line. I’m human, I make mistakes and she love me enough to tell me when I need to correct them.

Friendships are hard. People will say that they shouldn’t be but it is of my opinion that they are. They require the same level of time and attention that you would give your relationships in order for them to work. Respect has to have a major role. Truth must be applied in all conversations. You can’t be afraid to be at odds and think that conflict will tear you apart.

I know where my friendships stand. Much like plants, I know which ones need daily watering, weekly watering and a few droplets here and there to survive. I know the measure of a true friend is not the length of time we’ve known each other but the value we bring to each other.

My friends are a part of who I am. They are valuable to me and I hope I am valuable to them. When the antics of the world drive me crazy and I feel like I want to scream, it is these valuable friendships that I have grown to appreciate and love. There are days I laugh so hard I cry and the back of my head hurts. I am living in a space where I have decided to not sit on the sidelines but instead get involved in making this world a better place for generations to come. In order to do that, the balance from the chaos is found with the friends who keep me grounded.

A solid friendship is foundational. You have been through it together. You have laughed, you have cried and you have worked your way through a disagreement or two. One of my other closest friends could write a book about how we have weathered the storm. He is my rock and I am his. We are both strong-willed so we disagree often and have for over 30 years. The bottom line is however, in a New York minute, I am there for him and vice versa. We love each deeply and our foundation is strong. We are family now.

I’m taking stock now. I don’t plan on cutting people off. That will happen naturally. I am re-evaluating how invested people are in being a true friend to me, and I to them. We are going to need each other.

My click is strong!

Thank you for being a friend!

Until next time, be safe!

These past couple of days I have spent a great deal of hours around some very interesting people. I am learning a lot about myself, and those around me. I have lived long enough to not be surprised by much however ever so often I walk away from a conversation with a bit of disbelief that that someone could actually say what came out of their mouth.
I’m at a four-day conference run by the Privilege Institute. The conference itself is called the White Privilege Conference and it has not yet disappointed me. At first, I was upset it would take up my whole Saturday but now I honestly feel like I can go another three or four days and it still wouldn’t be enough. Sessions are running from sun up to sun down with minimal breaks in between and I am TIRED. I’m physically tired, emotionally drained and tired of listening to the same excuses over and over again.
There is no way I could sum up 20 plus sessions in one blog. The information is just too rich and frankly my emotions are too raw. Two things stuck out in my mind that I wanted to discuss first. I’ll delve into more topics as the weeks continue on and most definitely when a verdict comes down in the trial of Derek Chauvin.
First issue, or conversation that I want to say activated emotional reactions from me was the “safe Black” conversation. What is a safe Black person? Or should I say whom is a safe Black person? Having spent my entire life being welcomed by ALL races and knowing they find me unassuming; this is a rhetorical question. Sitting in the “room” with them and being able to have an open and honest dialogue about why they separate individuals, not just people of color, into safe and not safe spaces was a life changing experience. As honest as some tried to be, they could not explain it.
Next, there was an overwhelming need to not scream when several individuals put on a defense mechanism of saying, “I don’t see color”. HOW DO YOU NOT SEE COLOR??? By not seeing color, you are invalidating my very existence. They definitely did not see it that way, they thought it was a “safe” way to approach race relations. I debunked that myth for them. I also took it further and explained why. That is what is missing.
We have lost our humanity. We are no longer communicating. We have watched as our prior administration gave permission to many of our neighbors, colleagues, doctors, teachers, attorneys and so on to be as open with their privilege as they want to be and not bear any level of consequence. This can not continue to happen. We must, and should engage in crucial conversations no matter who is in the room. Crucial conversation has to happen in order for change to be enacted!
Privilege is not power!
The way forward is to talk and breakthrough the myths that we have about each other. Black Lives Matter! Stop Asian Hate! Protect our LGBTQ+ community! You want to be an ally, start by educating yourself. Allyship crosses community lines. Intersectionality is real.
It’s time to stop “understanding” and time to start “believing”. Our trauma is real. It won’t be fixed overnight.
We need to call in and not call out so our healing can be authentic and lasting!
Time to go… A new session will be beginning.
Until next time, be safe and be kind. We do need to work together on all sides!
Love you all!

I took some time off to celebrate my birthday. I continued my journey of self-care and one element I added during this celebration period was unplugging from the news and most of social media so I could live in a blissful bubble of relaxation and enjoyment. I was vaguely aware of what was going on, it is hard to really tune the world out, but I did not plug in as I always do.

That changed yesterday. I finally sat down and took in all that has been happening in full detail and caught myself up. I am painfully aware that we have been in this pandemic for over a year and that there is still a border issue. I knew all of that. I am also aware that there have been two horrible shootings resulting in the loss of lives and yet gun control will be a topic that trends and fades aware. Nothing I caught up on, even the new voter restrictions in Georgia, surprised me. There was one thing however, that resonated with me and that was accountability.

No one wants to be held accountable for their actions. We live in a society where there is always an excuse made or finger pointed as to why a situation may have happened or occurred.  I long for a day where open and honest dialogue can be exchanged, and we can take all pretenses out of our conversations so that we can hold each other accountable for our actions and operate in our true spirits.

If you don’t want me to live because I’m Black, say so. While that is not your decision to make, I would much rather appreciate you being direct and saying what’s on your mind. If you don’t want me to vote because I’m Black and when my people get together magic happens, say so. If you don’t want me in a CEO position in your company because you are afraid, I will succeed, say so. If you don’t want to give me the capital to start my own business because you know I will make it grow and ultimately be able to help my own people, say so.

Right now, I’m swimming in the deep end of the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion world. I see the inequities firsthand and the marginalization of people of color. What is most disturbing however is not the inability to get it right and level out the playing field. It is the fact that there is no accountability for the lack of representation. It is everyone else’s fault.

We either didn’t have enough candidates, or we never thought about it or whatever lame explanation can be thought up. Now we are in the spotlight so we will show the world what we are doing in quicksand fashion. I heard a wonderful speaker say not too long ago that if you cannot find qualified diverse candidates to lead your companies, you are either bias or lazy. Accountability.

We must stop hiding behind pretexts. In our work life and in our personal lives. It’s time to man up. Gone are the days when it is ok to drag our feet and make justifications on why things aren’t done and will get done. Now is the time. Step up and let your word be your bond and hold yourself accountability.

If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you say you will show up, show up. We are only as good as our word and these days; the currency is worth less than it used to be.

Have an amazing day and be true to yourselves and to others!

I love you and until next time, be safe!

1 year and 2 days ago the word came to a halt as it was declared we were we in the throes of a global pandemic. Many people wondered if we were going to be home for a week or two or perhaps just a little over a month. I must confess with all my education I was not completely updated on the definition of what a pandemic was, so I did my research. I immediately began to tell people that I would see them in a year, or two and that we would be buckling down for a while.

Here we are slightly one year past that date and my office is still closed. There is no plan on reopening it just yet and even if they did, I mostly worked from home before so there is no great rush for me to get back inside the office building. I was supposed to travel heavily for work in 2020 and instead, after 3 early trips in January and February, I was grounded for the remainder of the year along with everyone else.

Last night my hubby and I were marveling at what a difference a year truly makes. We say it, but 2020 takes the trophy. At the end of February, we were gathered to celebrate my sister becoming a doctor and there was so much life, love, and energy in the room. Our family, both blood and Christian were in attendance. My birthday was just a few short weeks off and things were really looking up. Looking back, we partied as if we didn’t have a care in the world. I’m so glad that we did. If we had known what was in store for us, how would our countenance have been then?

In that year, I managed to keep myself from going crazy. I increased my time with my heavenly Father, and it has paid off in dividends. I only wish it hadn’t taken the world to shut down to give God what he has given me for so many years. Attention. When I focused on what He has had in store for me, doors began to swing open, and life changed.

For starters, I began this blog. It gave me an opportunity to expand what I may say in my personal journals to a broader audience in the hopes that I can help someone who may be going through a similar situation like myself. There is not a lot of commentary here week to week however I get calls and texts letting me know the level of engagement on those who are reading and being encouraged. So, I keep doing it.  I also went back to school. Not once, but twice. And I will be starting yet another class in less than 2 weeks. 

I believe in educating yourself before speaking on certain subject matters. I am not a fan of school as I have stated many times, but I am a nerd and a very excellent student. I will research. I do not fly by the seat of my pants and “hope” that the information I share in any forum sounds correct.

I lost people. Too many to detail. It hurt like hell and I had to step back and process the whole grief situation layer by layer. Because of my delayed response to grief, I had to put it all on the line to say I was not ok and work to get ok. Today, I am ok and still working to be better every day.

I met new people. Together we formed a wonder team and have embarked on a journey that will change a piece of corporate America forever. We are tackling issues of systemic racism, gender inequality, oppression and whatever else you can thing of and we are doing it together. In less than a year, we have traction, and we are motivated to be trailblazers & trendsetters!

I have a greater appreciate for the people I love. The relationships that I have deepened. The inability to hug or spend face to face time has made us closer and more keenly aware the of the little things.

There have been so many moments in these 368 days since lockdown bridging 2020-2021. My reflection is that I am just getting started on what I pray will be the best days yet. The foundation was laid while the world was still to get much accomplished in “behind the scenes” for the main events that will unfold in the months to come.

The wheels of the world are starting to turn again. Vaccinations are becoming available and slowly but surely, we will get to a place where businesses will open and thrive again, and people will congregate. The pandemic is not over yet. Caution still needs to be at the forefront.  The question is, when we get back to business, are you ready?

One final thought. I literally was ready to leave town for my birthday last year when we got shut down. This year, I will be fully vaccinated but I have no plans to go anywhere. I may or may not blog next weekend as it will be my “birthday weekend”.  I do want to encourage everyone to take some time to ENJOY your moments where you celebrate life and give yourselves permission to have FUN! The pandemic caused so many people to cancel their birthdays as if the gratitude of being alive was not important last year. Everyday is important!

Live Your Life!

Be Safe and ENJOY!

Until Next Time, I Love YOU!!!!

There is something to be said about waking up happy. These past few weeks have given me a roller coaster of emotions that trend upward to pure joy. It has been years since I felt joy and it has been this consistent. We cannot confuse happiness with joy as happiness is but a fleeting moment and emotion while joy resonates in your soul.

After my dance with grief, I made a commitment to stay on a healing path and continue self-care. So far, I have been faithful in that commitment. That led me to open up with others and share what I had gone through and was still processing. The community that was then built around these shared experiences started to expand and healing was trickling out like a wave in the ocean.

I don’t talk much about work because it is just that, work. This week however I was able to attend a Woman’s Conference led by some immensely powerful, trailblazing women who are doing their part to make this world a better place. The invaluable information I was able to pick up will help me not only today, but in the years to come on my own personal journey.

So, I asked myself. Is this MY season? If you are one that attends church or has some spiritual connection, you would know what I am saying. Our Pastoral leaders speak of seasons as our times to be blessed by God and to be patient, faithful, obedient, and committed. I have been all of that as humanly (I am flawed) as possible. Not days, not weeks, not months but years. The greatness of God and his favor has always been evident in my life. I’ve had ups and downs however I can say with all confidence, life is surprisingly good for me.

What makes this time so different than the others is the JOY that I feel. Attacks are coming. Roadblocks are being put up in my way as I navigate into areas that I had never thought I would be in. Each and EVERY time however, there is a shift and I get through it as if it were never there. My name is in rooms before I get there and there is a definite buzz happening about who I am, what I am doing and what will happen next.

The crazy part is I have always focused my energies on being in the background. I wanted to be the organizer and financier. Let someone else be the face and the voice. In less than 12 months, both personally and professionally, that has changed.

Social injustices have made me scream louder. Our disregard for our neighbors has pushed me to step up more and advocate and engage so no one gets left behind. Yes, we are all hurting in our own ways, but we are truly stronger together. It costs us nothing to check in but our time.  I don’t want to be the only success story if the people around me aren’t successful as well. So, I pull people up.

The only “I” statements I have these days are those where I take accountability for my actions. Otherwise, I want it to be about we, us, and ours. In it being “my” season, the opportunity to help others and share the goodness that is being bestowed upon me is available. “My” season is about expansion that serves the community around me. When I succeed, we succeed.

So, is it MY season? Time will tell. The opportunities that have been presented and the direction that has been Holy Spirit led will prayerfully continue.  I have watched in AMAZEMENT at the awesomeness of my heavenly father and being 48 years old, surviving what I have survived, it never gets old!

The JOY that I feel is a feeling I want to continue. Even when the attacks happen, or the roadblocks appear, I still feel it. It’s like I know I have a secret weapon and no matter what, I will prevail. I will continue doing what I am doing because I seem to be on the right track.

“He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless” Proverbs 2:7

I wish you joy and health and an amazing day!

Until next time, be safe!

We have more in common than we are divided on. Today’s world message, and especially here at home, will have you believe that if you are one political affiliation over another, there is no common ground between you. That is simply untrue.
Over the past few weeks, I have engaged in several conversations with so many people on varying topics. People of all different backgrounds. These talks ranged from health issues to religion to system racism and everything in between. I spoke with spoke male and female, of all racial backgrounds and sexual orientations. Every discussion was deeply insightful.
I walked away with an understanding that the commonalities that we all shared in each interaction had bonded us and healed us in a way that was unexpected when we began talking. What I found was what began as casual moments in time, provided lifetime gems that we would carry with us for the rest of our life.
In my shared experience on my health issues, I had several calls. The goal was to provide awareness to one and check in on another. In both, we learned more about our concerns by opening up and were able to discuss not only physical solutions, but we also dove into deeper issues like mental anxieties and stressors. We found time to laugh and see the joy in our lives and it helped to know we were not alone.
For the past nine months I have been working with seven amazing individuals on systemic racism issues not just affecting us in the workplace but also how it affects us in our every day lives. We have discussed history, past traditions, our own experiences and came up with a strategy on what we could do to make it better for us and those around us. Yesterday, our hard work paid off. That doesn’t happen however if we didn’t take the time to share our stories and mull through our common experiences and what plagues our community.
The point is our stories are important to share. You ever see an autobiography and wonder, “why did THAT person write a book”? They had a story to tell. We all have a story to tell. You just have to be brave enough to share it. Now, everyone doesn’t need to write a book. There are people in your circle or in your community who are going through similar situations like yours and can benefit from some of the knowledge you have. However, minute it seems it you, you can literally save a person’s life.
Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death overall in the world and the second among young people aged 10-34. Talking to someone is something we can do for free. Most people feel as if they are alone and isolated and that no one understands how they feel. There is nothing new under the sun. Someone shares in how you feel, and it is likely that someone you know experienced it or can connect you with someone.
As a young adult, my best friend and I had these business cards made up. No real business, just cards. I never question God’s purpose for me and looking at those cards (I still have a few) I laugh because I see he always had a plan for I was destined to be. The cards read Bad Bitches, Inc. “We Know Sht! BBIC (If we don’t know, we know someone who does!). Then it had a lightbulb and our email addresses. Both email addresses are still active. The truth is, there are resources out there. I have a great circle of unbelievable knowledge. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH IT, WE ARE GOING THROUGH IT!
Stay blessed, stay safe and most of all, stay connected!

It’s been two weeks since I had a chance to communicate with you. Life moves at a rapid pace, and we must adjust to the flow or get caught up in the wave. Some really great things have happened, so it has not all been bad. Last week I took a minute to stop and celebrate my sister who turned 50. After such a long, arduous dance with grief, it was only right to make time to enjoy life as well!

Earlier this week however I found myself much like others watching the news and seeing a disturbing story about a 9-year-old African American girl who was handcuffed, and pepper sprayed by the police. I can write a history book on why that is all kinds of wrong however it is not new to our culture nor surprising. What triggered me, and I mean really triggered me back to early days of my own abusive childhood was the dialogue that was a part of the traumatic event surrounding the young girl.

It was not enough that she is 9 and being handcuffed. Or that she has been sprayed with something that could cause irritation of the eyes, skin, and mucus membranes. She could have endured more severe injuries like corneal abrasions, wheezing or skin blisters. People, and more commonly African Americans, with lung conditions, such as asthma, breathing effects when pepper spray is inhaled. None of that was taken into consideration. No, that is not the only damage done to the young girl that day. The denial of her youthfulness will forever be embedded in her memory in ways that only time will be able to tell.

She was told to “stop acting like a child”. How does one “stop acting like a child” when one is a child? What should her reaction have been? How does a frightened 9 year in adult circumstances react when adults of authority are surrounding them and yelling at them? If I had to go back to my 9-year-old self I would imagine I may have been the same way. I could have been fully cooperative, or I could have been nervous, acting out and being a 9-year-old. What should she have done differently?

 When I was 6, I was given a beaten for being incredibly happy. Yes, I was incredibly happy. I still talk about that day because the beaten that I received, and the reason that I received it never made sense to my 6-year-old self. It doesn’t make sense to my adult self either. Being happy was a BAD THING? I didn’t have many happy days in my early years so whatever it was back then that made me happy must have been quite delightful. It was overshadowed by an authority figure however who wanted something from a 6-year-old that was unnatural. A reaction to fit their narrative.

My prayer has been for that young girl to get the counseling she needs. There are so many issues with what happened to her regarding race relations, policy brutality, domestic abuse and neglect and the list goes on. What she needs to know is that it is okay to be 9. Her reaction to situations that scare her are perfectly normal and not her responsibility to fit into what others are looking for.

How we react to what others say to us as adults is strange enough. When we begin dating and someone tells us they love us, and we say thank you, do you think that is the reaction they are looking for? Probably not. It is however the way that you are feeling in the moment and what you want or need to say while processing what is going on. We cannot predict how people will react. Our expectations are too high. It isn’t fair and the consequences are hurtful.

Lesson learned is that we MUST give people the opportunity to be who they are. If a situation involves a child, expect childlike behavior. Don’t chastise them as if they are adults and they should know better. If an adult has shown you who THEY ARE, believe them.

I love you all.

Believe in yourselves! Until Next Time……