Author: sojonee33

Happy Post Election Saturday! We still don’t know “officially” who will be our next President although the numbers are giving us a fairly good indication of where we are heading. I’m not here to gloat about who may win or not win. That is not why I’m celebrating. As far as I’m concerned, there are no true winners here and we were destined to lose as our democracy has been stomped on and it will take years to repair.

I’m going to delve into that much more in the weeks to comes because as part of the anxiety I live with, the issues that ail me are how do we get back to being “united” when we are so divided and we refuse to address the elephant in the room. That exceptionally large elephant has sat its behind down in the middle of the floor and will not be ignored. There is no way we walk around it now.

So today, I want to instead celebrate. 2020 has been a tough year to say the least for many individuals. Personally, it has been an utterly unique balance of blessings and world related tragedies. In my own life, I have fared pretty well.

Today, my beautiful daughter turns 25 years old and it reminds me of the struggles that I have suffered to become a mother. I didn’t deal with infertility however my body could never carry a baby to its full term. I lost more children than I’d like to discuss and one day I’ll open up about that issue and the trauma around that. I had to essentially decide to give up my ability to procreate at an incredibly young age in order to save my own life.

God blessed me however with an angel. I don’t take that lightly nor do I let 1 day go by without letting her know how blessed I am to have her in my life. If ever there is a time, I start to feel sorry for myself, I remember the biggest blessing for all of us, life. I choose to enjoy it and not squander it away no matter what is going on around me.

I know that is easier said than done, but it is possible. I pray we are all being safe, and we stay mindful of the rising cases of COVID-19. It is not always about you.

Until next time, enjoy yourself! I love you!

There is no doubt about how anxious everyone must be feeling with the election right around the corner and the Covid cases spiking higher than they did earlier this year. If we add in the fact that some suffer from depressional seasonal changes, and yes, it is a real thing, this weekend will be a tough one. We must turn our clocks back an hour, losing an hour of evening light which can affect your mood. There are reports that complaints of depressive symptoms increase around 11% right after we set our clocks back for the fall. As if some people need another reason to be depressed……

I’m almost holding my breath and devoid of words until I have a sense of where life is going to take me. I know it will go on and I am still positive it will be fruitful. I just find it difficult to share thoughts now when there are either a million thoughts or the need to stay silent and wait.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Right now, the issues of the world and problems we may face at home look like an elephant. For some, it could be Covid, unemployment, underemployment, financial stress, depression, broken relationships, school, hunger, or any combination of those things and others. The key to tackling the problems is to not concentrate on them all at once although they seem gigantic. Pick one, the most pressing, and get started on a resolution for that and it may help ease the tension in the other areas.

The problems of the world can be resolved too. It is not up to “them”. We are them. We failed in our civic duties and now we live with the consequences of those choices. WE begin to heal by remembering basic decency and human kindness. It all starts within and with us. If I decide to be nice to my neighbors and they make the decision to be nice to others and so on, it will spread like wildfire. It is what we need now, not a civil war.

If you are a part of the problem and not the solution, I pray that you will look deep within yourself to ask what is your endgame?

Have a blessed day, if you have not voted yet, get out and do so!

Until next time, I love you all!

I took a much-needed break last week to spend time with my husband and unplug from the world. I have made it my mission to slowly deprogram myself from the daily news updates that have been occurring once I cast my own vote. My mind had been made up for a while and there was nothing short of a miracle that would have caused me to change it. Anything I see and hear now is just information to be “in the know”.
Back in March when we found ourselves in the unfortunate situation of a global pandemic and Zoom calls became extremely popular, along with it came virtual “happy hours”. People were dealing with their anxieties and the fear of the unknown by gathering and drinking and there were no rules to how much drinking would take place. Several times it was asked of me where was my drink and I calmly stated I would be saving my drinking for the weeks leading up to the election which always elicited laughter. A part of me meant it and a part of me was joking. Thankfully I have taken to praying more often than hitting the bottle otherwise I would be drunk off my tail trying to process every breaking news story that I anticipated would raise the temperature of individuals and cause greater divide.
Every week feels like another year lived. I’m thankful to make it through emotionally. We have over 8.5 million people who have been infected by a deadly virus and no national plan to stop it. Over 225,000 have lost their lives because of it and some of them I knew. Others have gotten it and survived but will have long lasting effects for the remainder of their lives. Add in the rise in unemployment, systemic racism, the effects of global warming with the hurricanes and wildfires, there is so much going on that it will make your head spin! I could write a blog on each issue and I still didn’t cover all of them. I salute each one of you struggling through depression and loneliness, trying to figure out how to take care of your family. Wondering how to stretch your last dollar and depending on a government that has shown that they don’t care about you. Politics and power over people!
My heart, my prayers as we enter the most historical election cycle of our lifetime is that we remember who we are as individuals. Some people have really shown their true colors and that is a blessing. It is imperative to do your civic duty and go out and vote for whomever YOU choose and decide whatever interests are best for you and YOUR family. We will not always agree. That is something we are figuring out and it is bringing out the obnoxious side in many.
As I scrolled through my social media before I unplugged, I was so disheartened to see how people were speaking to each. Kindness and compassion were replaced by angry and disgust. The vitriol that was spewing among individuals that once considered themselves friends was less shocking because of where we are as a nation but so disappointing. On any side.
Here’s what I know as a fact. On January 20, 2021 there will be a new president. Whether it is your candidate or mine, only one can remain there from that day forward. What will also remain is every single word we have said to each other, every ugly meme we posted, every time we ridiculed the “other” side and held each other personally accountable for the faults and shortcomings of politicians where one will go back to their own personal life.
Our relationships, how we treat each other, is now forever divided because we let our passion outweigh our common sense and hopped on a train to nowhere. I would like to see us keep this same energy and continue to go out and vote in 2022 and 2024 and every local election in between. Each one matters! Vote like your life depends on it is no longer just a slogan. In 2020, it is real, and it may have cost you a few associations depending on which side of the aisle you lean.
I love you, be kind, be compassionate. We are ALL God’s children!

This morning I woke up extra early like I normally do and the very first thing I did, as always, before I even open my eyes, is I thank God for allowing me to see another day. Sometimes I say it out loud and sometimes I think it in my head. I do it every morning without fail and I really can’t trace back how long I have been doing it. I also know I do not miss a morning, NO MATTER WHAT! The next thing I try to do is run through my head, “what will motivate me to get me out the bed besides the urgent need to go to the bathroom”?
The definition of motivation is having a desire or willingness to act. Most people find themselves restless at night running a million thoughts and ideas through their heads and unable to settle down and fall asleep. They may even have insomnia. I am no doctor so I have no idea what my situation could be called and quite frankly I have never talked to my therapist about it. Perhaps I should because it has been an ongoing issue for years.
I wake up with headaches. I believe many are caused by the fact that my mind is in a constant tailspin of thoughts and ideas and far from a relaxed state. I fall asleep easily, peacefully at most times. It is the prospect of what lies ahead rather than what I just walked through that causes me angst.
This morning, my motivation for getting up had layers. I want to do spring cleaning. Packing up the summer clothes and pulling out the fall and winter shoes. I want to scrub the tub and mop the floors. I also want to complete my ballots for the upcoming elections and that is why I have a headache. It has been sitting on the table for 2 weeks and I have been ignoring it with today being my deadline in my head.
Make no mistake, I am voting, and it will be dropped off TODAY. My anxiety is that I do not feel motivated by either candidate and the idea that I must hold my nose and settle again is unfathomable. I lean Republican. My views mostly align with a party I don’t recognize today. As a Christian, I understand the Democrats. We need to support and take care of our neighbors and those in need. In a perfect world, we would have leadership in all three branches that look to serve the country as a whole and not advance themselves as individuals.
Motivation is a powerful tool. In an indirect way, it is the shenanigans of the said individuals that will have me voting against 4 years of foolery and lack of interest in doing what is best for the people. I am more determined to make sure those around me understand the consequences on inaction and lack of knowledge.
I heard this morning from 2 different doctors that we are now indeed in that dreaded second wave of Covid-19 and it is expected to be deadlier. True leadership needs to take control and get us on a national plan to minimize further loss of life. I will do my part and stay home, social distance when I go out and wash my hands. Will you do the same? Losing a few more months of socializing to see you all for a couple more years mathematically makes sense to me.
Be safe out there and find ways to entertain yourselves within your homes and a small circle! Depression is real. I love you and hope you have a great weekend!

Murphy’s Law states, “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”. That is what 2020 feels like. That is what this past week felt like. Every time I set the bar low, my expectations are met with someone or something finding a way to slither through to the point where nothing is shocking to me anymore. I simply nod my head with intrepid expectation and wait for the next main event.
The problem with that is that I don’t want to feel that way. As much as it can be overwhelming with the daily barrage of foolery from all around, I never want to accept it as “status quo” and be desensitized to feelings of hurt, anger, disappointment, and frustration. I won’t accept that this is how it is going to be.
My “out” is my relationship with my heavenly Father. What’s yours? Amid all the calamity and chaos of this week alone, and I got it from all angles, he sent me some of the best news I could ever dream of.
I started my work week in a meeting regarding systemic racism and ending up screaming at the COO of the company. Really screaming and pointing and clapping in all my angry Black Woman ways. Things I said I would try my hardest not to do, I did. For the cause.
Tuesday, we watched 2 senior citizens who want to represent us to the rest of the world in a debate that looked like they were fighting in a senior care center over who got the last jello. I laughed to keep from crying but there was nothing funny about it. This is America.
Two days later the current white house occupant and many close to him get positive test results for Covid-19 and the conspiracy theories run rampant! No matter what the true story may or may not be, the ripple effect of the news alone….. are we ready for that? How far can you stretch your mind? That’s a blog that can take up 20 pages….
I ended the work with news that as a whistleblower on a situation, it is still not quite resolved however some wrongs are being corrected. That was a blessing. Hard work does pay off and it also takes time.
My purpose here has always been to encourage and let you know you are not alone. This week publicly has been one where you may be questioning the integrity of news reporting as a whole and after the debates feeling confused and anxious about what lies ahead. I am here to say do not be discouraged. If you did not feel out of sorts this week, I would think you lived in a bubble and did not hear/see what has been transpiring.
The good news is, you can always research for yourself the information you are looking and find ways to meditate, pray, relax, and get inner peace to deal with your anxieties. You are not alone! This is a moment in time and this too shall pass.
Be blessed, take a moment to breath and step away from social media and the news for a while!

Love you all!

Today is September 26th, 2020. My Mother would have been 69 years old today. There really is not a day that goes by that I do not think about or miss her tremendously. At a time like now, when there is so much going on in the world, it would not be unusual for us to speak 4 or 5 times a day. She would make me laugh and encourage me like only a parent could.
I am a strong woman. Not because I said so but because everything, I have been through has yet to knock me down. I have survived unthinkable physical, sexual, and emotional trauma throughout my life. Despite it all, I have walked with my head held high and achieved wonderful milestones in my existence.
My mother was an amazing Black mom. She was not without her flaws but like any normal human being, she did what I believed was her absolute best. As an African American woman, she was raised by her father because her own mother died when she was 3 years old. She raised 4 daughters pretty much on her own imparting wisdom into us that we carry with us today.
Some days I pick up the phone to call her. Reality kicks in and I am back to facing the world without my biggest cheerleader and support system. I am unable to tell her about how I am feeling about the situations at work while she listens with great interest or express how Covid-19 has really turned the world upside down. We would be discussing the current state of systemic racism and what it is doing to our country and us as individuals. Those moments will never happen.
One of the greatest lessons I learned from my mother is knowing my self-worth. Understanding who I am and never compromising my values. Integrity is everything and keeping your word is important. We as Black Women, are being shown more and more every day just how hard the fight for us is. The deck is stacked against us and we are in constant defense mode to protect ourselves from black men, white men, white women, and anyone else who sees us as a threat to their well-being.
History will show we are the fabric that keeps the world together. It is our fearlessness, intellect, tenacity, strength, and love that shows up and shows out when there are problems to be solved. We are most heavily to be relied upon to “fix it” and “keep it together” generation after generation. We have been bruised, broken, beaten, and raped from all sides without full protection since the beginning of time yet we maintained enough to raise scholars, scientists, doctors, musicians, and inventors of all kinds. Our contributions are endless.
Whether you are Black or not, women are the glue that keeps the family together. My mother, Wilma K. Cuthbertson, was our glue. Today for her birthday I will not mourn the absence of her but instead celebrate the lessons she gave me to in being a powerful woman and mom. We are to be believed, we are to be protected, we are to be loved and most importantly, WE ROCK!
I love you all. If you are fortunate to still have your mother or grandmother with you, take a moment this week to appreciate some of the lessons they may have taught you. I know every relationship has its own story but even in the ones that do not have happy endings, there are lessons there for life as well!
Be Blessed!

I’m on the phone with my husband. Literally crying about how I don’t know what to write about this week on my blog and he tells me to write what it is I am telling him in our conversation. He’s in BJ’s listening to people talk about the loss of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and I am going on and on about how that has set off my anxiety along with another event earlier this week.
On Thursday, the current white house resident held a history conference where he announced he would be launching a commission called the 1776 Commission as a direct rebuttal to the 1619 Project which he describes as “rewritten American history taught to our children that we were founded on the principle of oppression, not freedom.” He further goes on to say that such teachings are compared to child abuse. CHILD ABUSE. That’s almost as idiotic as the attorney general comparing wearing masks to SLAVERY.
Then, last night we loss an iconic woman in Justice Ginsburg. It is hard to grieve her death and not be fearful of what the future looks like without her here. She has been a champion for women, the LGBT community, civil rights, equal pay and so much more for her entire career. Pioneer is too small a word to describe and less than 20 minutes after the announcement of her passing, like vultures, the opposition was ready to swoop in and steal the spoils before real human emotions could settle in. That should frighten us all..
That wasn’t what bought the tears to my eyes however….. as my dear sister Mitchell says, go deeper. I went deeper. My heart ached. I got back to the very reason I started the blog. I felt compassion and empathy for all of the individuals who are oblivious to what is going on around them and how these nuggets of changes will affect them for the rest of their lives. No matter what side of politics you stand on, red or blue, change is coming,
We cannot be so firm on one side that we despise the other and wish to see them fail. Their failure also is our failure. We are the UNITED STATES of America. We may not agree, but we live together. We need to get back to the days where we could have opposing views but articulate with intelligence and display love for one another.
That is the way we win! A house divided will always fail!
I love you all to life. Pray for someone

It has been over 30 days since I last wrote a blog. I stepped back on August 1^st to take a few weeks to complete school and mentally refresh. Looking back, that feels like a lifetime ago and the whole purpose of the blog was to share what my anxieties are and not let them get the best of me. I did continue to journal privately. I had to. I also finished school ahead of schedule and can now humbly say I am a certified expert in Child Protection Law from Harvard!

This past week has amped up my unease like no other week this year. The closer we get to the election, the more my spidey senses tingle. I am ready to start an all-out revolution at work due to inaction on initiates that were put on the table over 90 days ago. Our national security is at great risk and we are spending more air time discussing what we already know about the deficiencies in the current White House resident rather than DOING something (my opinion) of course. The west coast is literally burning. On the anniversary of 9/11, I read that the current administration is siphoning funds, $4 million to be exact, from first responders. I re-live the agony with my sister of 9/11 every year as she must replay those moments as a survivor and it is painful, because you will never forget. She will never forget what it felt like to get out of that building with the chaos around her and we, her family, will never forget the hours in which we thought we lost her because of her great work ethic and how long it took to know she was alive.

This week also revealed the White House occupant withheld knowledge that the virus is deadly and he said nothing which could have saved tens of thousands of lives. I’m not surprised at that. I’m pissed. Not only have we lost people we loved, but there are people I know who are dealing with the after effects of having the virus and it will remain with them for quite some time. Where is the true outcry? Why are we still being sacrificed?

It’s also post Labor Day. By now, everyone should be back to school, but they are not. I was speaking to a friend of mine and her kids do not return until October. Say what? No plan, no guidance, no understanding whatsoever. I give kudos to all parents out here juggling parenting while trying to work and keeping the home afloat. If my child was of school age, I would be homeschooling her and making it work. Keep your heads up. Take this an opportunity to teach your children all of the things you feel they have missed out on in the regular school system while making sure they understand the basics that they would be getting while in school.

There is so much more. However, I am not ready for it, just yet. I suffered a horrible Lupus flare-up that begin last Saturday. My body fought the stress that my mind was ingesting. I need to do better…. I’m glad to be back with you guys to talk things through. Today was not about any particular subject. It’s about taking all of these things in and knowing that I cannot change the outcomes alone and handing it over to my Heavenly Father. You do what works for you. That is what works for me.

You’ll never be any good to help someone else, if you first fall apart yourself. Take time for self-care and mental rest. It is essential. The rest of 2020 is sure to be as capricious as the beginning and you want to be at your strongest.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month. You are NEVER alone. If you or someone you know needs help, please call 800-273-8255 or suicidepreventionlifeline.org

I Love You All!

Happy Saturday Everyone!

I am officially on vacation and have already been up for two and a half hours working on my website which tells me I’m not doing this vacation thing right! I’ve made a decision to forego my usual weekend blog and advise that I will be taking the entire month of August off . It won’t be to just lounge around although I hope to catch some moments to myself to relax and regroup.

When I began this process it was to deal with my anxiety and to connect with others who were also going through similar paths of emotions. I wanted to remind us that is okay to not be okay all the time. Since then, I have been full steam ahead at home and at work and I haven’t taken a breath to grieve, exercise, read for enjoyment or give true self-care to maintain my own piece of mind.

In these next 30 days, I am going to finish up school which is great. A large part of that was to enhance my knowledge and be able to have educated conversations with contextual data about subjects that matter to many us right here in this forum. I will also have upgraded the website with new features for better engagement. So I won’t be completely idle I will still be working to keep our connectivity at its best level.

In the interim, you can follow me on Instagram or Twitter where I may share “mini” versions of encouragement because we indeed are still going through something and it will get worse before it gets better.

Until then, be safe, be encouraged and know that I love you and I will see you back here in September!

These past few weeks has shown me a trend that I find to be quite troubling and very disheartening. It’s the idea that we would take others pain as entertainment. I’ll concede that those who are being ridiculed are in the spotlight however they are still human, made of flesh and blood, and most importantly, God’s children.

Call it a pet peeve but I never understood how “we” could find ourselves to be so comfortable to laugh at the misery of others. What would it look like if the mirrors were turned and we were forced to share our stories, fears and shortcomings with the world? Would we want so much input on our marriages, our mental health, or our state of depression?

We are still in the midst of 2 pandemics. Between the virus and racial uprisings, we are emotionally and psychologically drained and trying to understand what comes next. If you are in the line of fire, you are super raw right now. Another shut-in seems almost inevitable and they want our kids to go back to school in this mess. But I digress… back to the subject at hand.

Of course, like with everything, there is a debate here when you are dealing with public figures. By definition, their lives are on display for all to see. My issue, is what is going on inside of us that we laugh at their pain as if they are going through things completely not relatable? Have we lost all compassion to understand that they may be crying, thinking suicidal thoughts or falling into deep depressions? The feelings of isolation and separation are sometimes more magnified because of the “celebrity” and the inability to trust those around you so your support group is smaller than the average person.

Money doesn’t equate happiness. It solves tangible day to day problems but not matters of the heart. We have got it all twisted. In our quest for the almighty dollar, the level of envy for those of them who have it, we place an unnecessary burden of unconscious bias, willing to knock them down a peg or two so that they become more “like us” when we hear stories of how messed up they are. Newsflash, they will always be like us when real life happens.

Success is not measured with how much money you have. Think of all the public figures who have left this world due to drug overdoses, suicides, murders, tragic accidents and so on. Some of them you may have liked and some may have lived with public hecklings day after day. My point is don’t get caught up in the mob mentality of kicking people when they are down just because it is the fun thing to do that day.

Prayer works and we all need it. Have compassion for your neighbors, those known and unknown. You never know when you may need it. It will be no laughing matter if tragedy rings your doorbell and someone tells someone else and they make jokes about it. You would be mad, naturally.

“You know my name, not my story. You’ve heard what I’ve done, not what I’ve been through”. – Author Unknown

Have a Safe a Blessed Weekend!