Author: sojonee33

We’ve gotten through another week! More rising Covid numbers, more iconic losses, more unemployment numbers, more displays of corruption in our administration and we are heading for a 4-day heat wave. Some of you are ready, and have been ready to throw 2020 away. All you see is what is going wrong and are missing out on what has been going right.

For me, the anxiety is real. I can’t hide that. The loss of loved ones and friends to the virus, that is as real as well. The need to want to travel and get out of the house more often, oh yeah, I suffer from the occasional cabin fever but I love my home and the alternative which is to live. Work has been busier than it has ever been and I just feel tired ALL THE TIME!!!

One thing I can say however since the pandemic has started is how amazing life has been as well! Because of my anxiety I started this blog which has now turned into a full-fledged business which I pray will continue to grow.  I went back to school and in the process of that advancement, I am finding healing for myself in my coursework.  The busy at work has led me to become more focused on what is wrong with our company as a whole so I’ve lent my intellectual capital to the Diversity & Inclusion Team which I’ve been a part of for a while now and changes are being implemented. My work itself is also being recognized.

Most importantly however I realized how much I’ve grown up. I liken this time to the markings on the wall as you chart just how tall your children are getting.  I’ve entered a new phase of life, a different growth spurt if you will. This time has shown me how much in the forced quiet when I was able to really hear what God was saying to me just how far I have come in the last year very specifically. The changes on the surface look very subtle, but spiritually and emotionally it feels like I’ve leapt across a giant ocean.

I’ve always looked on the brighter side. As long as I have breath, I am grateful for life. My past isn’t pretty and what didn’t kill me really did make me stronger. I didn’t turn to drugs or alcohol to numb my pain or use my body thinking that was the way it was supposed to be. I always trusted there was a better way.

Depression is real and I will speak about that one day soon. Today, I want to encourage you and say don’t let all of the negativity that is happening around you and perhaps in your life cloud the good things that are also happening. If you are reading this, then you woke up and that right there is a great place to get started on counting your wins! Someone else didn’t make it.

Be Blessed and Enjoy Your Weekend!

My very first decision I made this year was made on January 1 as I was going home from midnight service. I had spent the evening at my sister’s house and she was taking me home and she told me to stop procrastinating and go ahead and look at new furniture which I had been talking about for a few weeks. We stopped, I looked and within an hour, I made a decision that I was greatly satisfied with and we continued on.

Over the next couple of weeks, I continued to change other areas of my home to compliment my new furnishings including adding a hobby wall and things that I had put off for years. By March, the pandemic hit and it appeared as if I would be spending a whole lot of time in my home whether I liked it or not. Well, I always liked it, now I LOVE it! Of course I never anticipated having to spend so much time here but I am grateful for the upgraded surroundings.

This is the summer. I want to be surrounded by sun in the fun and tropical drinks. More importantly, I want to live. The pandemic is still real. Cases are rising and they still don’t know for sure how the disease is spreading. No matter how long it takes, I will wait this thing out. I’m going to socially distance with the ones I love, mask up where ever I go and enjoy myself at home.

Your life is important to me so I want to share some ways you can make this an easier time for yourself and not go stir crazy because it is working for me. I hope it works for you too. They are in no particular order of importance:

1. Maintain a constant mindset of gratitude – when you are appreciative of what you have and you continually focus on the good, it will boost your energy and your attitude and it becomes a habit.
2. Write – clearly this works for me. I journal every day to get my thoughts together.
3. Pay it forward– do a random kind act for someone. It doesn’t have to be monetary always but it will make you feel good.
4. Plan a staycation – if you are fortunate to be working, don’t burn out! Take time off from work and relax!
5. Force yourself away from your screens – turn off the computer, IPad, phone, t.v. etc. and sit in your stillness. It is amazing.
6. Focus on your own life and not get caught up in others on social media – code words (mind your own business) 🙂
7. Treat yourself to silk sheets – it’s hot, their cool. You will sleep well.
8. Exercise – take a walk around the block, join a YouTube group or Facebook live or partner with a friend.

Don’t let your eagerness to mix and mingle cause you great distress in your health. Love yourself enough to be patient and trust the science of the world and see what is going on around you. Covid-19 is not to be taken lightly however you can still enjoy your summer because you are still YOU!

Enjoy your weekend!

This is the end of another week and I must say, I was triggered by emotions that snuck up on me like a thief in the night. They came so fast and so suddenly that I didn’t have time to brace myself although all the signs were there and I turned a blind, strong eye because of my need to be resilient for those around me. This was a tsunami. Events of the week have been leading up to this moment and when the damn broke, nothing could stop it. IT is grief.
2 young women at my job, both African American lost their mothers this week. Another, also African American had to rush hers to the hospital because of a heart attack. I mention color only in context of the moment we are in, where our Black families are so important to the cause and any loss at this time will be felt in a ripple effect unlike before.
Breonna Taylor’s name stopped trending. I watched a video from 2016 where a young man and his girlfriend were killed by the policy and it broke my heart. Even sadder, the video touched everyone who saw it and the commentators discussed the young man and the rouge officer in detail… no mention of the young lady who also lay there lifeless.
Meanwhile, the cases of Covid-19 are increasing at a 90% rate and we have yet collectively to take it seriously. In 4 months I lost 5 people I know to this disease. Several others have gotten it and survived and 2 came close to death. This is NOT A GAME.
I went to bed happy last night because I spent some quality time with my family socially distant and enjoying a summer night. Our time together is very precious to me. After my evening routine, I settled in to what I had hoped would be a great night of sleep. I was wrong.
I dreamt of my mother, and my brother-in-law. We were laughing and joking at a family get together which got interrupted by my grandfather telling us to get inside as a terrible storm was coming. They are ALL deceased. I only dream of my grandfather when major changes are happening. Scary? Never. Always peaceful but it grieved my heart this time that they are no longer here. People I loved have died and there is no closure on how to say goodbye. Black women are losing the battle and in an indirect way it feels like we are still not being protected.
Who is caring for us? This is not a spiritual debate. I am grateful because I have someone who would lay his life down for me but yet I awoke feeling vulnerable, sad, broken-hearted and beat down. We need to continue to support each other, both men and women. Take a minute to mourn those who have passed on. Enjoy life responsibly now and most of all, know that you have me, here, to talk it out with!
“A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her”.

Once again, this is deeply personal for me. Covid-19 is still raging and back on the uptick and it appears as if our anxiety levels have elevated in sync with the new cases. This time and space has been a real wake up call for some, and for others it has left them stagnant and cold still wondering what was left to do.

My church family was given good sound spiritual and practical preparation for 2020. Did we know exactly what was going to happen and how it would happen? No, but we knew enough to formulate us to get our houses in order by stocking up with food, getting our papers in order and preparing for the financial crisis that is surely heading our way. Another major talking point was to get right with our families.

I have six sisters and a brother that I am in relationship with. There may be others but I don’t know them like that. I haven’t spoken with one of them for over two years and it is not because I haven’t tried. I trust the word of God and am obedient to his instructions at all times as best as humanly possible. During this pandemic, I made a push to do better and get that connection back on track and it still failed.

Why am I mentioning this? One of the major things I’ve learned as a blogger is you cannot blog and not be transparent. Now is the time to move on fixing those relationships if you haven’t begun yet. We are still in the midst of the pandemic and things will get worse before they get better. Your family support will become very essential to you in the months and year ahead. Looking back over this time, you may see that whatever it was that separated you, pales in comparison to what is going on in the world right now.

Not every relationship can and will be mended. The caveat is, you will never know if you don’t try. You have to know when to let go, and let God. If you seek his guidance through this process, he will keep you in peace and move you along until there is a time of reconciliation. He knows what he is doing and I believe that but we also need to put faith into action and start with a phone call, text message or email. Stop trying to “win” all the time and start trying to heal! The pandemic has caused enough apprehension, don’t feed it anymore.

We are still fighting the battle of systemic racism and if you are like me, you are seeing people you love here this morning, gone this evening. Don’t let anger and pettiness plague your heart. Do what you need to do on your end to let stuff go! You will feel much better and you may gain a family member back.  WE NEED EACH OTHER!

Have a GREAT weekend! Be Safe!

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

Today I want to keep things simple and in the spirit of Father’s Day Weekend, give my thoughts on the weight and trials that the Fathers, in particular, our Black Men, are going through right now. Black Lives Matter. Our men’s lives matter. Fathers, husbands, sons, brothers, nephews & cousins alike. They all matter.

I salute you! Every day you wake now you have an added pressure of living life under the microscope. No one gets to hear the wonderful stories of what great “girl dads” you are before you are tragically removed from our lives just for being you.  They don’t see you seating having tea parties, dance-a-thons, reading stories or braiding hair. They never know how much we as your partners look forward to your warm embraces, tender touches and comforting voices. They could never imagine the dynamics that we have as a family, where laughter is essential and love is eternal.

What they see is a threat. Your beautiful skin, from light brown to midnight black and everything in between. Your build, strong, lean, powerful, thick. That voice, one that will make you jump out of your skin but is as smooth as silk. It’s what we love and what they fear. Why? The simple answer is that all women, including theirs love it too.

You are not a threat. We see you. We salute you. We know that there are many great Fathers out there doing the right thing by their sons and daughters and deserve the opportunity to do so. We have to change the narrative and we will. Brick by brick we are tearing down stereotypes and letting the world see you for who you are. We have got to go faster so that we can stop losing you.  There will be some Fathers who won’t be here tomorrow to be celebrated for the heroes and kings that they are.

 I’m weary of living in a constant state of anxiety and fear because I have black and brown men in my life. I’m bone tired of existing in a system that tells me every day that me and my people do not matter. IT’S NOT TRUE. BLACK LIVES MATTER. FATHERS YOU MATTER!!! The family needs you and we will keep you covered as we always have!

Be kind to the men in your life, the load they bear is a heavy one. We are built to be a great support system and in return, their strength keeps us motivated and moving forward. Together, as a team, there are no weak links!

Have a great day!!!

“The quality of a father can be seen in the goals, dreams and aspirations he sets not only for himself, but for his family.” ―Reed Markham

My goal at the start of the pandemic in writing a blog was to help deal with the anxiety and trauma that being quarantined would bring. It has evolved into so much more because so much more has occurred. It is still my online journey and if I can reach just one, I would have accomplished something.
This morning I am feeling the overwhelming message of perseverance. Be encouraged and keep on pushing. The pandemic is not over, we maybe at the beginning of a second more deadly wave but God willing, that will not be the case. It is not too late to get to work on those projects that you have envisioned for yourself and you thought you’d do while we were “in the house”. Just because the rest of the world has opened up doesn’t mean you need to abandon your dreams and put them on a shelf for later. Now is the time.
It has been 17 days since the horrific murder of George Floyd. In those 17 days, arrests were made, laws have been changed, legislation is being introduced, people are being held accountable for their actions, confederate symbolism is being revoked, the power of the Black dollar is being exercised and conversations are being held across board rooms. Uncomfortable ones. Powerful protests are exposing the ongoing systemic racism across the globe in a major way, all because people, all types of people, are pushing through.
They are pushing through the loss of jobs, the loss of loved ones to Covid-19, the loss of loved ones to police brutality or the streets. The pain is real and it is raw. We have had enough. Fatigue is real. One common denominator for those who are in the good fight, for the long haul, is that we will get weary. But we won’t give up.
This week, I’ve battled like I never battled before in my life. In corporate America. I have a few small victories but there is still so much more to be done before I can take a triumph lap. I draw my strength from the Most High and wait patiently (sometimes)  for the answers to come through. I won’t give up because there is still so much to do and I am encouraged by the changes I see around me.
Keep doing what you are doing especially when no one is watching! Work hard in silence and let your success make the noise! Have a great day!

“It Always Seems Impossible, Until It’s Done” – Nelson Mandela

Morality deals with the principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior. It’s just that simple. Yet, in practice, so many have a hard time implementing such principles or putting into action what should be making the right decision when faced with doing the right thing.

Doing the right isn’t always ambiguous. It’s black or white. Seeing a fellow officer with his knee on the neck of a citizen, you intercede. Watching a fellow officer push an elderly man to the ground, you intercede.  Seeing another shopper eat grapes while shopping, shake your head and keep it moving. Context matters, and there are things no matter what the underlying explanation may be, what you are witnessing is wrong.

In the case of the officers, we can be told that the hurt individuals have committed egregious crimes thereby warranting such actions. That is the court of public opinion until tried in a court of law. The shopper, could have purchased their fruit beforehand and was enjoying it as a snack while shopping.

The world is in a state of unrest. Our morality, or lack thereof is being viewed through a microscope every day.  I’m proud of my family and friends who are stepping up in peaceful protests of the injustices we have endured for years and are willing to expose just how much bad behavior there is not only “out there” but also in their inner circles. Complacency is no longer a shield that can be used to hide which side of justice you stand on.

Big names like the quarterback Drew Brees, is finding out what the price of morality is when you put your finger in an open wound and refuse to hear what the nature of the cause of the wound is.  Jobs are being lost when individuals are being exposed for their bigotry. Social media is a hot bed for hateful vitriol. They are being called out, and the price is unemployment and embarrassment.

Ask yourself, in this day and age, when we are clearly being exposed, what is the price of morality you are willing to pay? Will you be brave and stand up for the least of them and help fight the good fight? Doing the right thing shouldn’t be hard. It should come easy especially if you have been doing it for a while!

I’ll leave you with this….last night I had a deep “morality“ conversation with my husband about what happens when doing the “right” thing may not be the practical thing to do. It was an insightful, necessary and provocative conversation. I posed this to him and to you. If I had three late warnings at work and was on final notice, and I encountered someone in distress while on my way to work who needed my assistance, what do I do? The person needing my assistance is a stranger, they need medical care, and the situation is serious. Even the slightest delay with waiting for someone else to come along and help me with them and I will be late and fired. Morally, what should I do? What price am I willing to pay here?

Have a blessed day and be safe!

Galatians 6:9

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

This week has elevated every anxiety that lay dormant in me. Covid-19 took a backseat to my biggest fear which is that someone I love, could be killed by the police simple for living. I’m an old school girl, from the projects, where police were not exactly our best friends but it was enough of a cliché that they left us alone if we left them alone. Even more difficult, one officer that I knew most of my adolescent years who was quite tough and friendly, passed away this week leaving me questioning, where are all the good ones?

Right now in America, is it open season on black and brown bodies. Our worth as people has habitually been diminished to hashtags, outrage and protests whenever a rogue cop or cop(s) deem it necessary to execute us for simply living our lives as the America dream tells us we can.  WE are being executed while sleeping, while assisting our neighbors, for alleged bad acts (with no level of violence), while driving, while playing, while breathing, while thinking, WHILE DARING TO DREAM or be a part of what is America. I mean, who do we think we are?

Meanwhile, our counterparts are open carrying, spitting on officers, shooting up schools and churches. They are taken into custody without incident. They are given food and water ahead of the anticipated interrogation that will follow. For the arresting officers, that is the “humane” thing to do. With us, it is just another day at the office getting rid of the trash.

We are NOT TRASH. BLACK LIVES MATTER. We are more than hashtags and protests. God has prepared us for this moment. This one. It feels different. People who have not spoken out before, are speaking out. Our sisters and brothers on the other side, are outraged too. The wheels of justice turn slowly, but they turn. This will not be the end. This is the beginning. It had to happen.

War has been declared. We must fight for what is right and fight until we get it! Don’t be a mouthpiece in a conversation.  Be an agent of change. This is our window of opportunity and we must act accordingly and do things correctly for it to stick. Legislature has to change! Our people have hurt enough. I want my husband, my brothers, my cousins, my Dad, my nephews, my sisters, my nieces, my aunts, my friends & most certainly my daughters to always make it home or be safe in their own homes. The price of their life is priceless, and that will never change.

This week, I was ANGRY. I was HURT. I CRIED. I SCREAMED. I watched in horror along with everyone else the life of George Floyd slip away. I witnessed racism escalate but I also watched people come together. Today, I am motivated. I have already taken steps to do my share in seeing that this is not a wasted opportunity for change. More information will be posted on that separately.

“At any given moment you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.”
– Christine Mason Miller 

It is Memorial Day Weekend and the official kick-off to summer! Normally I would be running around getting my hair and nails done preparing for my annual sister trip which takes place every year at this time. Due to Covid-19 and a few other circumstances, that will not happen this year. The truth is, prior to Covid-19 we moved our trip from Memorial week because of a wedding we were planning on attending in a few weeks in Jamaica. The point however is, this is time for vacation!!!!

All 50 states have opened up in some capacity. People will flock outside and get together because, let’s face it, who really likes being cooped up in the house? I am feeling a mixed bag of emotions that are not quite defined because this is new for me just as it is for you.

The combination of re-opening of the state and vacation blues has me mystified. I don’t want to flood the parks and beaches and engage with individuals and possible infect myself or someone I love. This virus is REAL. People I know and love have DIED from it. Others have thankfully survived. My paranoia, is more of a distrust or suspicion. I get it. The sun is going to come out and shine brightly. People want to go outdoors. I can’t tell anyone how to live their life. I am saying I want to keep living mine. And I will. I miss my friends. I want to see them and socialize. I just think that sacrificing a few months or maybe a year of my life for a lifetime of what we share is worth it.

As far as vacation goes…. I liken it to December approaching. You know when December approaches the Christmas lights and decorations go up and there is a great anticipation of the holiday season impending leading up to Christmas Day. That is how I have been feeling all week and it is a true let down to know that we are grounded for a while. Our vacations are EPIC. I don’t know that I’ve ever defined being depressed about a thing but this may be it.

Whatever you do, however you integrate yourself into getting back to a day-to-day routine, be comfortable with your choices. Don’t feel pressured to move too quickly when you don’t have to (personally, not work-related) and be ok with not being ok. This is unprecedented. The pandemic is not OVER but we will get through it!

Proverbs 16: 9

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

Can you be trusted? That is a question that has been burning through my heart and my head all week. Is your word your bond? If I had to answer truthfully, I’d have to say yes most of the time but I still fall short. I promised I shared my anxieties with you so I will be transparent in letting you know that this particular subject matter has led me to tears this week.

I know everyone is getting excited that parts of the country are starting to open up. I agree at some point we need to. However, we need to do so responsibly. My point is, we are still in the midst of a pandemic. One where more lives will be lost and the economic suffering has not even taken a full hit. We, the people, are still hurting emotionally.

At the start of the lockdown we promised to check in with each and make sure we were ok. Have you done that? Did you keep your word? Someone somewhere is waiting to hear from YOU. It could be the very thing that changes the course of their day and even save their life. It costs you nothing to be authentic with your word and follow-through with what you say. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you promise to call, text or FaceTime, then do it!

Depression is real. Anxiety is real. Isolation is real. A well timed phone call or text can change a whole attitude or mood. It makes the receiver feel better and it should make you feel better knowing you connected with someone who may be at a low point. How will you know? THEY WILL TELL YOU. We are all the answers to someone’s prayers just as God sends someone to answer ours.

CAN YOU BE TRUSTED? Will you keep your word when you say I’ll check on you? Will you reach out when that person crosses your mind multiple times to see how they are doing? This is beyond Covid-19 but we are in this moment now.

As always, I like to end on a high note. This week, my thoughts are crammed together in full sentences of emotions. I won’t call this my best writing and I’m ok with keeping it this way. I thought about deleting and re-doing to sound more eloquent but it wouldn’t be authentic. What I will say is, we can be trusted. If I do what I say I will do and look after YOU, and YOU do what YOU say you are going to do and look after ME, that should just about cover it…. The spiritual love circle.

Happy Saturday!