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Mother’s Day Blues

It’s Mother’s Day. I’m a mother, yet it is now the fifth year that I don’t feel like celebrating. I’m wondering if I’m the only one that is suffering from these blues. My daughter is amazing. Even better than that, I have 2 bonus daughters who I have a great relationship with so me being a mom is not the issue. It was the loss of my own mother that sent me into a depression that I now have come to call Mother’s Day Blues. My mother truly was one of my closest allies. I talked to her every day, several times a day. I saw her perhaps 6 days out of 7. Voluntarily. She died from cancer in 2015. From diagnosis to death there was maybe 10 weeks. I had a lot of issues going on at that time that included my own health, a restructuring of my home and a college student at her crossroads. Even today, I’m not sure if I even took the time to fully mourn the loss of a presence that was so big and important in my everyday life. I had to wake up every day the day after she passed and move on as if a HUGE part of my life hadn’t changed. MY daughter was counting on me and in a lot of ways, I failed. Christmas at our house was cancelled. I no longer enjoyed doing the things that normally included my mom and it hit me that I was cheating my own child out of special moments with me because I was having a hard time processing my grief. Today, I am rethinking how I view Mother’s Day. Mothers are the foundation of the world. We are the cornerstone of the family. I have told my daughter that I will be better in considering how she feels in celebrating HER mom, while doing my best to keep my mother’s memories alive. I will not allow the loss of my mother be an anchor that keeps me from appreciating and receiving love from those who are able to give it to me in the present day.

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How Domestic Violence Affects Children

Post author By sojonee33
Post date May 2, 2020
4 Comments on How Domestic Violence Affects Children

I woke up this morning not really sure where my mind would take me. I had several conversations yesterday after the launch of the site and one in particular stood out in my mind. Generally speaking we talked “physical” relationships between a male and female and when a child may not necessarily witness them, but sense something may have happened or heard it.

For years, my sisters and I did not see the actual abuse of our mother but we could hear it, and it was terrifying. We also had a lifestyle in which we too where be beaten on a regular basis. So what am I saying…children know. At the core of who they are, they know, they may not fully understand, but they can sense something different and it is confusing to them.

It is always easy to tell someone to leave a situation. We couldn’t fathom why our mother didn’t pack us up and walk out. As an adult, I processed her position in a different light. I have a daughter. In one circumstance, a heated argument got out of control and my partner put his hands on me. ONE TIME. I called my mom, the cops, the cousins and everyone else. Then I walked away. For good. Why am I saying this? I want you to know there is always a way out. I contacted my village, and my village came through. I didn’t wait for the second time, no secondary excuses, I bailed. I grew up in that life and refused to keep that generational curse going and you don’t have to either!

This is an area I plan on studying more. Statistics say children exposed to domestic violence are at an increased risk of being abused themselves or being an abuser. STOP THE CYCLE NOW! Talk to your children and create an open dialogue about what is going on.

Psalm 32:2 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.

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Welcome Post!

Post author By sojonee33
Post date April 28, 2020
5 Comments on Welcome Post!
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Welcome to my blog!

If you are anything like me, you are feeling a bit anxious about being isolated during this global pandemic and would like to talk to others that are going through some of the same things. My heart is heavy a lot of days but it is not all doom and gloom. I’m enjoying the stillness and the time to reconnect with God, my family and my friends.

As a child, I was physically, mentally and sexually abused for years. I was blessed to have my sisters with me however I did not know at that time that they were living in darkness too. My great escape was being able to go to school and to church and whatever extra-curricular activities I could get into to leave the house. I had perfect attendance for many years in a row. When I think about how the Covid-19 has made it impossible for children and others to leave their homes to their normal escape routes, it breaks my heart. There is nowhere to run when you are forced to stay in the home with your abuser.

We see the number of domestic violence cases increasing but we won’t hear much about the molestation cases increases. Mental abuse will increase as abusers find themselves in total control. The aftermath will last for years.

Some of you have survived, as have I. I am stronger and better than I have ever been in my life. It would be irresponsible of me to say that a time like now however does not take me back to that little scared girl who had limited food, an abuser 10 times my size and days that seemed to go on forever. It’s a battle to remain positive during a pandemic when you feel hopeless and there is seemingly nothing you can do. I’ve decided, this is what I can do. I can be here to talk to YOU, share insight and encourage each other as we walk through this TOGETHER. No wars have been won by lone soldiers. We will battle together against depression, fear, angry, hunger, hurt and any other stronghold that might creep up on us now!

Let’s also talk about some positive moments in our lives as they serve to shape us as well!