I woke up this morning not really sure where my mind would take me. I had several conversations yesterday after the launch of the site and one in particular stood out in my mind. Generally speaking we talked “physical” relationships between a male and female and when a child may not necessarily witness them, but sense something may have happened or heard it.
For years, my sisters and I did not see the actual abuse of our mother but we could hear it, and it was terrifying. We also had a lifestyle in which we too where be beaten on a regular basis. So what am I saying…children know. At the core of who they are, they know, they may not fully understand, but they can sense something different and it is confusing to them.
It is always easy to tell someone to leave a situation. We couldn’t fathom why our mother didn’t pack us up and walk out. As an adult, I processed her position in a different light. I have a daughter. In one circumstance, a heated argument got out of control and my partner put his hands on me. ONE TIME. I called my mom, the cops, the cousins and everyone else. Then I walked away. For good. Why am I saying this? I want you to know there is always a way out. I contacted my village, and my village came through. I didn’t wait for the second time, no secondary excuses, I bailed. I grew up in that life and refused to keep that generational curse going and you don’t have to either!
This is an area I plan on studying more. Statistics say children exposed to domestic violence are at an increased risk of being abused themselves or being an abuser. STOP THE CYCLE NOW! Talk to your children and create an open dialogue about what is going on.
Psalm 32:2 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4 replies on “How Domestic Violence Affects Children”
This was a very touching post to read. I also grew up in a household where there was a lot of arguments. My father and stepmom would argue over the littlest things and it would create such an unhealthy and uncomfortable environment. I always wondered “how can they be yelling at each other like this? Don’t they know their kids can hear them?” It was exhausting and cruel that I had to grow up faster than I should’ve because I would worry about this affecting my siblings. I had to be a pre-teen when my little sister would wake up from the screaming and sleep in my bed. She would also ask if I can hold her throughout the night and I knew the reason was to feel safe, secure and protected. It would turn into an every night thing.
Thank you for sharing. Those had to be very stressful times for both you and your sister. There is a bigger blessing in that you were there to be comforter and protector for her. How did YOU feel? Are there any tools you can share that may help someone else who may have the role of the big sister or brother? Or even for themselves? We never want to discount how scared you may have been at that time.
Thank you for this piece. I felt every single last word resonating through my body as I read because as you know, I too have been experiencing this as of late. I’m so sorry you had to grow up around that because I can recall being a child and remembering my parent’s having their screaming matches and feeling terrified just from the yelling alone. It’s definitely a hard thing for a child to process and can certainly effect their adulthood in a very negative manner. Thank you again for this insight and your personal testimony! I am now going to word diligently towards figuring out a method to talk to my son where he can understand as best as he can from an 11yr old’s perspective!
Here’s an interesting article that deals with different phases that may or may not be applicable to you. It’s a good read just in getting ahead of a situation. We’ll be here to keep talking as long as you need. https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources//children_domestic_violence_managing_challenging_behaviors.pdf