This is a subject that I have long danced around. As I prepare yet again to attend the homegoing services of someone I love, I find myself wondering why we as individuals have such a hard time walking through the grieving process. Next to love, grief is the strongest emotion we can display. It can manifest itself at many stages of our life such as after the loss of a loved one, a divorce, news of a terminal illness, or any other encompassing loss that tears at the core of who we are. Our ability to process that information is what paralyzes us from moving on.
During my sabbatical I learned a few things about me. I knew going in I had not processed my grief from years past and therefore it was piling up and it would eventually boil over. Grief can kill you. Recent studies have shown that it can cause inflammation that can lead to death or increased blood pressure leading to a heart attack and so on…. I cannot stress how important self-care is.
There is no real process to how you get through your grief. Yes, we speak of the five stages, but they don’t happen in any order and for some they never get to all the steps before more loss happens again. That was me. In the past 6 years, the losses that I suffered, that my family suffered, did not come in clusters of 3. It would be 5 here and there and then 3 more and we’d never have time to get over one service before having to move on the next.
The pain of loss was overwhelming to the point of numbness. I would be remiss if I didn’t say that it felt like they were here today and gone tonight and, in some cases, that was true. On more than one occasion, I had the pleasure of partying with an individual and within a week or more, they were gone. Just like that. Cancer came and wiped-out loved ones within months. There seemed to be no time for processing and preparation. Eerie coincidences surrounding death dates popped up and will forever be a part of my memory.
I know we must suffer loss. This I can accept. I just want to encourage anyone that I can to try and not run away from the loss if you can. No one can tell you how to grieve. Especially when you factor in the circumstance around that loss and what it means to you personally. What I can offer is from experience and hope it blesses someone else.
The therapeutic purpose of grief and mourning is to get you to the place where you can live with the loss in a healthy way. There is no set timetable for grief. Take time to take care of yourself. The “five stages” are just a guide and not designed as a sure-fire plan that you will go through each stage. You may not experience any of those stages and still come through on the other side. The way to do that is to lean on your community.
You must face your feelings, don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either. Also, look after your physical health, maintaining a good workout and remembering that stress can kill is helpful. Turn to friends and family members, mine stepped up for me in a big way and made me appreciate the relationships that I still have and treasure the lives that are around me. It hurts like hell when one you love is gone however if you close yourself off from those that are directly in front of you, you risk losing precious time with them. Lastly, and most importantly, draw comfort from your faith. God is always in control. He will never leave you or forsake you. It may seem heavy and like it is too much but there is always a bigger design in place.
When my Mom died, one of the ways I was able to accept it was to look at the greater picture that unfolded. A part of me knows that if she had not passed, there were areas of my family’s life that would not have happened, and those things have proven to be great blessings.
There is always a rainbow after the storm. You must be patient and strong and willing to get through it.
I love you all!
Have a blessed weekend.
Keep Me Covered, Someone Needs to Be Laid to Rest Today….
