It’s been two weeks since I had a chance to communicate with you. Life moves at a rapid pace, and we must adjust to the flow or get caught up in the wave. Some really great things have happened, so it has not all been bad. Last week I took a minute to stop and celebrate my sister who turned 50. After such a long, arduous dance with grief, it was only right to make time to enjoy life as well!
Earlier this week however I found myself much like others watching the news and seeing a disturbing story about a 9-year-old African American girl who was handcuffed, and pepper sprayed by the police. I can write a history book on why that is all kinds of wrong however it is not new to our culture nor surprising. What triggered me, and I mean really triggered me back to early days of my own abusive childhood was the dialogue that was a part of the traumatic event surrounding the young girl.
It was not enough that she is 9 and being handcuffed. Or that she has been sprayed with something that could cause irritation of the eyes, skin, and mucus membranes. She could have endured more severe injuries like corneal abrasions, wheezing or skin blisters. People, and more commonly African Americans, with lung conditions, such as asthma, breathing effects when pepper spray is inhaled. None of that was taken into consideration. No, that is not the only damage done to the young girl that day. The denial of her youthfulness will forever be embedded in her memory in ways that only time will be able to tell.
She was told to “stop acting like a child”. How does one “stop acting like a child” when one is a child? What should her reaction have been? How does a frightened 9 year in adult circumstances react when adults of authority are surrounding them and yelling at them? If I had to go back to my 9-year-old self I would imagine I may have been the same way. I could have been fully cooperative, or I could have been nervous, acting out and being a 9-year-old. What should she have done differently?
When I was 6, I was given a beaten for being incredibly happy. Yes, I was incredibly happy. I still talk about that day because the beaten that I received, and the reason that I received it never made sense to my 6-year-old self. It doesn’t make sense to my adult self either. Being happy was a BAD THING? I didn’t have many happy days in my early years so whatever it was back then that made me happy must have been quite delightful. It was overshadowed by an authority figure however who wanted something from a 6-year-old that was unnatural. A reaction to fit their narrative.
My prayer has been for that young girl to get the counseling she needs. There are so many issues with what happened to her regarding race relations, policy brutality, domestic abuse and neglect and the list goes on. What she needs to know is that it is okay to be 9. Her reaction to situations that scare her are perfectly normal and not her responsibility to fit into what others are looking for.
How we react to what others say to us as adults is strange enough. When we begin dating and someone tells us they love us, and we say thank you, do you think that is the reaction they are looking for? Probably not. It is however the way that you are feeling in the moment and what you want or need to say while processing what is going on. We cannot predict how people will react. Our expectations are too high. It isn’t fair and the consequences are hurtful.
Lesson learned is that we MUST give people the opportunity to be who they are. If a situation involves a child, expect childlike behavior. Don’t chastise them as if they are adults and they should know better. If an adult has shown you who THEY ARE, believe them.
I love you all.
Believe in yourselves! Until Next Time……
