This is the end of another week and I must say, I was triggered by emotions that snuck up on me like a thief in the night. They came so fast and so suddenly that I didn’t have time to brace myself although all the signs were there and I turned a blind, strong eye because of my need to be resilient for those around me. This was a tsunami. Events of the week have been leading up to this moment and when the damn broke, nothing could stop it. IT is grief.
2 young women at my job, both African American lost their mothers this week. Another, also African American had to rush hers to the hospital because of a heart attack. I mention color only in context of the moment we are in, where our Black families are so important to the cause and any loss at this time will be felt in a ripple effect unlike before.
Breonna Taylor’s name stopped trending. I watched a video from 2016 where a young man and his girlfriend were killed by the policy and it broke my heart. Even sadder, the video touched everyone who saw it and the commentators discussed the young man and the rouge officer in detail… no mention of the young lady who also lay there lifeless.
Meanwhile, the cases of Covid-19 are increasing at a 90% rate and we have yet collectively to take it seriously. In 4 months I lost 5 people I know to this disease. Several others have gotten it and survived and 2 came close to death. This is NOT A GAME.
I went to bed happy last night because I spent some quality time with my family socially distant and enjoying a summer night. Our time together is very precious to me. After my evening routine, I settled in to what I had hoped would be a great night of sleep. I was wrong.
I dreamt of my mother, and my brother-in-law. We were laughing and joking at a family get together which got interrupted by my grandfather telling us to get inside as a terrible storm was coming. They are ALL deceased. I only dream of my grandfather when major changes are happening. Scary? Never. Always peaceful but it grieved my heart this time that they are no longer here. People I loved have died and there is no closure on how to say goodbye. Black women are losing the battle and in an indirect way it feels like we are still not being protected.
Who is caring for us? This is not a spiritual debate. I am grateful because I have someone who would lay his life down for me but yet I awoke feeling vulnerable, sad, broken-hearted and beat down. We need to continue to support each other, both men and women. Take a minute to mourn those who have passed on. Enjoy life responsibly now and most of all, know that you have me, here, to talk it out with!
“A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her”.
Categories
3 replies on “Trigger Moments”
This was such a touching post to read. The part that stood out to me the most is about the deaths of those who caught the Virus and how we should mourn them. I say this because on a day to day basis, i read a lot of people’s thoughts about covid-19 and how they think it’s a hoax. How is there suddenly a virus that’s killing this many people and then all of a sudden “outside” opens and they’re not hearing about cases anymore, when clearly there are? It breaks my heart to see the ignorance behind this because people really did lose loved ones and there are people out there basically calling it fake deaths. Also, regarding Breonna Taylor, i think we failed her. We were all going so hard in the beginning but because things are supposedly going back to normal, many people are losing focus. I find this all staged in my opinion because they are still trying to silence us so thank you for sharing this. Something needed to be said.
Covid-19 is definitely not a hoax. It is sad that there are those who believe such a thing is possible. It will take it reaching them personally before a level of comprehension can sink in and that is unfortunate. WE don’t have to let this be the end of Breonna Taylor. We can continue to email, call, and write on her behalf and commit to not give up until she receives the justice she deserves. The change starts with us!
I had to pause for a moment. because quiet as kept, Covid 19 serves as one large trigger that brings me back to a place of hopelessness resulting from 9/11. I had to confront experiences from my past while dealing with the trauma in the moment. I hate trigger moments because it can disrupt your equilibrium in such a detrimental way. However, I have also grown to appreciate recognizing my potential triggers because it better prepares me to manage my life, my emotions, my overall-wellbeing. I don’t have any answers for what we are enduring in society today, but I am grateful that I have the Lord to rely upon especially during these most tumultuous times!